You fall in love and defy the rules of your own happiness, sounds stupid is it? When you have wounds that are still fresh, and you keep them under a thick clothing of your selfless love, principles, and a promise of friendship.To make your daily life normal again is a struggle that you bravely face with your chin up. You bleed, and he doesn’t look at its severity. He knows you’re strong, and in good faith, you try to lift his fears and push him up. Each time you communicate with him, a piece of your heart goes with him.
When you hear his words of hope & love that he is willing to offer to someone but NOT to you is equivalent to a belt of fine bullets that plunges right through your already bleeding heart. I am not a damaged person and have been over living in hate. Been over the fear of being abandoned. Aware that I deserve to be happy too, but I refuse to bury my promise of friendship and support to one damaged man who wholeheartedly gave his trust to me.
Being in love with your damaged best friend is a battle that you know, you have a huge chance of losing. Yet, somehow you prevail. Tirelessly, watching a man holding an effort to repair himself,— picking up the pieces of him and start putting it back together. But, when your mission is done, will he ever make the effort to look at your wounds? Or will he simply go on with his happy love life, and leave you waiting for somebody to hold your hand? It doesn’t matter. If you cannot have him, you can just walk out of his life to healing your wounds and create your happiness.
You want him more than just a friend, You need him so you can rest your exhausted heart & mind on his shoulders. Desiring to hear him say “it’s my turn to take care of you. You dream for his kiss of appreciation and feel relieved that he is now that man he wants to be. But, unfortunately, he wants someone else to love beyond friendship, he desires someone else to rest on his shoulders. His words of love are NOT for you. And when he’s already that man he always wanted to be, his kiss of appreciation would only mean, “thank you for being my best friend.”
There you are, celebrating your accomplishment. And yet underneath your armour, is a dying Queen. As you try to remain standing despite losing the love that should be yours. Sadly, it was intseadgiven to another woman. No, she isn’t hiding it, rather, she tells herself that she did great. A Queen won’t ask for anything in return. Rather, she will expect that you now know, how to be a man.
I am the fucking Queen. A big strong heart, a rebellious soul, a confident and a martyred woman. Being a queen is never like how we see it, not all about elegance, not all about finesse. Whilst judged and hated of self-centeredness. You are a hero. A creature unafraid to be broken. Your soul is fearless to guide and protect those you love. Neither ashamed of your actions, of which, for many is a big fucking joke. I love myself, I trust my heart, and I know one day, this bleeding Queen will find her happiness. She will always be a Queen, even without a King.